Quote of the day: “No good deed goes unpunished.” ~By someone familiar with trying to do nice things for people on the internet.
Song of the day: “Fake It” by Seether
So. The story behind my Matters of Etiquette post a few weeks past. It’s a long story, and not a pretty one. Still makes me angry, but I’ve decided to drop the issue with the folks I have the issue with. Screw ‘em, basically.
In about a week and a half, I will be in LA for a convention. (My second attempt!)
I am flying in a day early as are a bunch of other folks. Because there were so many of us that belonged to a particular group and others in that group can’t go, someone set up a new bulletin board for all of us to post on so we could make plans without feeling like we were rubbing it in the faces of those not going. On that bulletin board we were trying to think of things to do on the Thursday before the convention. In one thread I asked about going to La Cantina which is the bar/restaurant owned by Clare Kramer (who played Glory in season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) that opened a week early for the Browncoats that got stranded in California about a year earlier at the cancelled convention I went to. I thought it would be a nice way to repay that kindness by showing up and spending some money in her bar. A few in the group thought that was a great idea and we even joked about sitting in the same booth all the actors sat in when we were there last December. On a lark I invited an author that I had been exchanging emails with and asked if he wanted to stop by so I could buy him and his wife a drink in appreciation of the book he wrote, the online game I can’t stop playing, and just for being a nice guy and answering my emails. He accepted the invitation. I told the others he would be stopping by and then I tried to nail down a time and also emailed the bar/restaurant to see if they could handle such a large group. They mostly have small tables, but they have a deck so I was assuming we all could sit out there. After I got a positive response from La Cantina about being able to accommodate such a large group I posted that I thought we should be there at 9:00. For drinks. And snacks. Nothing more. A woman that wanted to organize dinner for us assumed I was organizing it, and left a pissy post about it. I felt bad that she thought I was stepping on her toes and sent her a message apologizing and told her it would be great if she would organize the dinner and tried to include her in the plans for the author showing up. She didn’t want to go to La Cantina for dinner for various reasons, but I didn’t really care where we went and figured that wherever she picked, it too would have a bar, which would compliment my original invite to the author. In the mean time, women from another group that were also familiar with the author and participated in a charity he created that they run were going to be at the convention and as each one announced their intention on being in LA on Thursday, I included them in the meet up with said author. Oh, they were so grateful to be included! *Me here, rolling my eyes.* I then contacted the woman making the dinner plans and expressed concerns that the second group would try and take over the meet up with the author. She returned a message saying they were doing just exactly that and she had received requests by them to move the dinner into a private room and were upset folks weren’t more enthusiastic about a party they had announced they were planning afterwards for everyone. She even told me she was informed by them that she would not be the “point person” in regards to the author after I suggested that she be the one to introduce him to everyone at the meet up. I got angry. Who the hell was anyone to decide who would and would not be the “point person” in regards to someone I invited? She wouldn’t tell me who it was that had made such a proclamation though. (Which is something that still pisses me off. A lot of trouble later could have been avoided if she just told me who it was then.) Regardless of who it was, she said she’d just make the plans and let me know where and when so I could forward the information to the author before she put it up on the public boards. While that was going on, apparently the women from the second group were also emailing the author about their party. He assumed that it was the same thing I had invited him too and said he would come. Later, when the dinner organizer emailed him about good restaurants in the area, he became confused and emailed yet another person about the events of that evening. On the day that confusion happened, someone else who had nothing to do with any of the previous planning or confusion posted information about the convention having pre-registration at La Cantina and that some of the actors might be showing up so she thought we might want to reconsider not going there. (That pissed off the woman organizing the dinner. I have no idea why. Yeah, she didn’t want to go there, but if everyone else did, why did it matter to her? Why should everyone go somewhere they don’t want to or never heard of when they know something cool would be going on somewhere else? However, I wasn’t one of those. I did want one day of non-convention madness. But whatever.) Because of that post with that suggestion, someone emailed the author and told him we would be going back to the restaurant that I originally emailed him about but that it would be crowded with Browncoats and they probably told him it was small and mentioned how packed it was the last time we all were there. (Of course, the last time we were all there, the restaurant wasn’t open and they had no choice but to pack the place with over 300 people because no one had anywhere else to go. There is NO WAY the place would be even half that full.) I’m not sure what exactly happened, but I get a message from the woman organizing the dinner that the author won’t be coming to dinner (which actually, he never was. I invited him to drinks after dinner!) and that he’d be going to the party instead. I, once again, was pissed off that anyone would be emailing him about that night since I’m the one who invited him and asked that very question on the board. Especially if someone was passing on incorrect information- that I’m pretty sure they were. After the confusion, I am told he is going to their party in the hotel suite after dinner because he wasn’t aware I invited him to a restaurant. (Bullshit.) But after thinking about it, I figure, who cares where he is as long as everyone can still meet him, right? This was within hours of her post about him going to their party instead. See how quickly I can get over something? So I message the woman organizing the party and tell her I’m cool with him going to her party instead, as long as everyone is included. She says nothing. Now, this is the part that really makes me angry. A few days later, they are making up the guest list on their board (which I am also a member at) and I notice that only the names of women in their group are included. So I post the names of some of the other woman, the ones who were going to be at the dinner and were originally included in the party they announced everyone was invited to on the other board. I’m told they aren’t included because they aren’t members of this group.
That is the moment I blew up.
Not only did they purposefully go behind my back to get him to go to their party, they were now actively excluding people from it. People that they had previously included, and who tried their best to include them whenever they could. Nice. Real fucking nice. I posted my extreme displeasure of the whole situation and got condescending responses and excuses full of so much spin they made me dizzy. The person whose party it was used the excuse that due to “lack of interest” in her party, she felt no obligation to keep it open for everyone. She even stated that she got the impression that people thought the idea of the party was dumb. I pointed out that at no time did anyone even suggest that the party was a dumb idea and that other than announcing it in two different threads, no one asked for RSVP’s. The party was still in the planning stages and that a number of the women on the board hadn’t checked in since they announced the party anyhow. I guess being too busy to get online is considered “lack of interest”. All I know is that they are going to come back and check the board to find that I invited someone out to meet us all for drinks, a party for everyone was being planned, and that someone else was trying to organize dinner and then find out the person I invited was not going to meet everyone due to someone else completely, the party was now invite only. How is that in any way the correct way to do things?
My thoughts on the whole situation are these: they are greedy. He was already invited to meet everyone, but that wasn’t good enough for them. They needed it to be on their terms. They couldn’t let it be as it was. No. He had to go to their party. Why should he meet with everyone? They are the ones that deserve special treatment. And they pushed and pushed till they got what they wanted without giving a damn for anyone else. And I also think they figured if they could secure a more private setting that he would bring along someone as a surprise for them and they did everything they could to make that happen. And he would have. I sent him an email after the initial blow up and he told me that was what he planned. And that disgusts me. That they would be willing to cut out other folks just on the hope of something happening and they actually think it’s ok. So I’ve told them repeatedly to take me off their invite list and haven’t been back to their board since the last round of posts. On one hand I’m furious at their duplicity and maneuvering but on the other, I was upset that it all happened on a public board and that as a group that supposedly does things for charity, they can’t afford to squander good will when it appears they have the opportunity to get something good for themselves- which is exactly what they did. They post all the time about how they aren’t doing what they do for recognition or to get anything from the person they are doing everything for, but seems to me that is exactly what they are doing it for. To get a pat on the head for being a good fan and to get perks. Why else would they be so jazzed about getting a private party with the author? I mean, one main focus for their group is to promote his book and his charity that he created to give them something to do and yet, once they got their party any plans for doing anything that would actually promote him, his book, or his charity stopped completely. They have an opportunity to introduce him to roughly 500 Browncoats, but why should that matter? They get a party! Woo hoo!
What the fuck ever.