Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mom

Quote of the day: "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."~ Steven Wright

Song of the day: None. Batteries were dead in my CD player.

State of mind: slightly annoyed

Date: 8/2/06

As I said yesterday, I am not dead. And it’s still true. Friday was… entertaining, but in that way that made me glad that I don’t go out drinking very often because I really can’t stand people that can’t hold their liquor, [insert bad Mel Gibson joke here.] Bar patrons were annoyed, the conversations were loud, & I got lots of dirt… good time.

Now about Mom:
She smokes non-filtered cigarettes. She does the crossword and word jumble every day. Can’t bake. Can’t sing. Could drink my dad under the table any time she chose, but like me, isn’t much of a drinker. Hates the sun. Loves reading. Watches musicals and mysteries and hates anything with too much swearing, yet she thinks Rescue Me is hilarious. She isn’t an animal lover but she’s tolerated half a dozen cats and a few dozen dogs over the years, (12 German Sheppard puppies at once even!) because my dad and I are. She’s passive aggressive and to by honest, a tad lazy at home, but when she is on the job she’s a workaholic. She learned to drive on a farm using a neighbor’s Mercedes Benz and yet has always driven like a grandma. She’s a bit of a mystery because I know that she grew up in Ohio, and is the second oldest of seven kids but I have never met any of her relatives, with the exception of two aunts and one uncle here in NY. She loves chocolate but not nearly as much as I do. The only outdoor activity I have ever seen her participate in was ice-skating, and then she fell on her head. I was 8 and thought it was hilarious. She didn’t. She used to belong to a bowling league when my sister and I were kids, but quit when she got a daytime job at the railroad. She used to drive an Austin Healey and to this day holds a grudge against Ralph Nadar because he spoke out against them. (I hold a different grudge.) She hums when she cooks, which isn’t that often. She is an Elections Inspector and hates the idea of those computerized machines that are being forced on everyone. She donates blood, but doesn’t donate much money. She isn’t shy and will talk to pretty much anyone. (Come to think of it, so will my dad, so my shyness is a bit of a mystery.) She prefers the Bond books to the movies. She’s read every Harry Potter book released. Her favorite color is brown. Seriously. BROWN. (I think she may be colorblind.) Our feet are the same size so she used to steal my shoes all the time, but I bought her so many pairs that she doesn’t have to now. She sneezes in threes. She falls asleep in front of the TV all the time. She thinks Jon Stewart is hilarious, but I think she likes Steven Colbert more. She stays up late and still gets up at 6:30 every morning. She never cooked breakfast except on Sundays. She used to call my sister and me Mayble and Gertrude. I don’t know why. To this day she regrets telling my sister once that she looked like Miss Piggy in a tutu when she wanted to by a mini skirt, but she probably saved my sister from a horrible fashion mistake. She smokes in my car even when I ask her not too because she thinks leaving the window open is enough. She used to drink too much coffee, but now she drinks too much Coke. She’s very vague about what she was doing in the sixties. I’ve asked several times what they sixties were like and the only response I get is “I don’t know. I was busy.” She watches The Avengers and The Saint reruns on BBC America. She also watches gardening shows, but I’ve never seen her garden. She never liked Elvis or the Beatles but somehow I managed to get her to appreciate Metallica and Henry Rollins. She’s had gray hair for as long as I can remember. She has told both my sister and me on numerous occasions that she is determined to not die before my dad. She isn’t afraid of spiders, reptiles, the dark, heights, or anything else I can think of and thinks it’s funny that I hate spiders, and my sister hates reptiles (mostly frogs) and lightening. She says she knows how to fish, but I’ve never seen it. She’s a democrat but calls Reagan the last nice man to have been president. And she calls me, “a good kid.” Well, duh.

Show quote of the day: “I love my little circus freak.”

13 comments:

mr. schprock said...

What a woman!

I can tell you admire and love her and I can see why. She rocks!

NYPinTA said...

Yeah, she's OK. ;)

LL said...

They say you can always tell the quality of the woman by the children she raises. I'd like to meet your sister so my first impression doesn't taint my assessment of her too much. :P

NYPinTA said...

If you ever met my sister and she knew how much you "hassle" me, you'd be torn apart in less then 5 seconds... if that. That women is a bear! But it would be entertaining at least. ;P

LL said...

Pfft... you don't expect me to be scared of a little bear now, do you?

NYPinTA said...

Hahahahaha. No one uses the word 'little' to describe my sister! Hahahaha. Oh wait till I tell her! Oh.. my... heh. That's funny.

fermicat said...

Nice post! Your mom sounds cool (except for the smoking part), which is good since supposedly all women are doomed to turn into their mothers eventually.

I like how moms will do things for their kids that they don't really want to. I got mine to watch Farscape with me once or twice. And even though she says she doesn't like science fiction, she liked it!

trinamick said...

Your mother sounds like my kinda gal. And I mean that in a completely hetero way. But tell her to ditch the cigs for me. If I told her, that might be a little awkward, what with the not knowing each other and all.

My mother won't say what she was doing in the 60's either. Her excuse is similar. Maybe they were in the same place...

VPKR said...

Worth hearing.

Henry said...

LL--all you would have to do is tickle her sister and it would be all over. I use to taunt her, by NOT EVEN TICKLING HER, just getting close enough to her and pointing. She would fall on the floor yelling stop, actually 'Stah-hop'
NYpinta--your mom really is a trip. I always remember her coming come from work (at the RR) propping up her feet and reading the paper--and having great, great conversations about stuff. I love the Avengers too! Make sure you tell her that. ;)

LL said...

Good to know. Thanks Henry, I'm glad someone around these parts is looking out for my best interest.

Beth said...

The best tribute I've ever read ... and I mean that ... ever! Love your opening lines. People write forever and don't get opening lines like yours!

Spirit Of Owl said...

A lazy workaholic who likes brown and Metallica? That's the kind of mum dreams are made of. :)

She needs to get back in touch with her inner 60s hippy self, though, then she'll remember that she actually really loved the Beatles. And Star Trek, probably.