Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Top 10 Ways to Destroy Earth

Quote of the day: When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No." ~Peter Anspach

Song of the Day: “Clocks” by Coldplay

State of mind: tired

Date: 2/8/06

I got in to work on time today. Trust me, that is blogworthy. But once I got here, heady with my timeliness, I decided I could afford a little surfing time and came across this site. For those to timid to click the link (no thanks to Trinamick I bet!) I will give you a preview. A teaser if you will. Enjoy.

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“Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe. (Me here: Ain’t that the truth!)
You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.
Fools.
The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily.
So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do not think this will be easy.

Mission statement

By any means necessary, to render the Earth into a form in which it may no longer be considered a planet. Such forms include, but are most definitely not limited to: two or more planets; any number of smaller asteroids; a quantum singularity; a dust cloud.
To make the list, a method must actually work. That is, according to current scientific understanding, it must be possible for the Earth to actually be destroyed by this method, however improbable or impractical it may be.
Methods are ranked in order of feasibility, with the least likely listed first and the most likely being No. 10.

Current Earth-destruction Status

Number of times the Earth has been destroyed: 0
Number of plans currently in progress with the final aim of bringing about the Earth's destruction: 0
Number of scientific experiments currently underway with the potential to bring about the Earth's destruction: 0
Minimum amount of time until the Earth is destroyed by natural means (discounting total existence failure): 25 years
Minimum amount of time until the Earth is destroyed by artificial means: 50 years

What this guide is not

This is not a guide for those whose aim is merely to wipe out humanity. I can in no way guarantee the complete extinction of the human race via any of these methods, real or imaginary. Humanity is wily and resourceful, and many of the methods outlined inside will take many years to even become available, let alone implement, by which time mankind may well have spread to other planets; indeed, other star systems.
If total human genocide is your ultimate goal, you are reading the wrong document. There are far more efficient ways of doing this, many which are available and feasible right now. Nor is this a guide for those wanting to annihilate everything from single-celled life upwards, render Earth uninhabitable or simply conquer it. These are trivial goals in comparison.
This is a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.”

I’ve used one as my quote of the day, but if you didn’t bother reading my quote of the day (and you should be!) then I am once again providing a link to the site so you can read them all. It’s educational. And funny. The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord (Scroll past the cartoon.)

Health update: I ate an orange.

Angel quote of the day:
Angel: What the hell are you doing here?
Connnor: Come on. You drop by for a cup of coffee, and the world's not ending? Please.

4 comments:

John said...

"Number of plans currently in progress with the final aim of bringing about the Earth's destruction: 0 "

That's what you think. Mwahahahahahaha!!

Also, you didn't finish your sentence. I believe the health update should read, "I ate an orange midget because he wouldn't stop singing."

trinamick said...

I LOVE the quote. That's always been a pet peeve of mine. You've got a gun. Why explain yourself? It's only going to give them time to escape or be rescued. Fools.

NYPinTA said...

I knew you guys would understand!

LL said...

What? You're stealing from my sig again? The shame of it all...