Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Have I gone insane???

Quote of the day: “Some people have a way with words. Some people not have way.” ~Steve Martin

Song of the day: “Complicate Questions” by Finger 11

State of mind: distracted

Date: 1/3/06

I want to run a marathon. Don’t faint! Oh well… it’s probably too late for the ones that know me, but they’ll wake up eventually.
The thing with me is, I hate exercise. The kind you have to commit to doing day after day. Boooooring. My most famous quote in high school was this: I ain’t running unless a big dog is chasing me, and even then I’ll take my chances with the dog.
The other thing with me is, I don’t live in a jogging friendly neighborhood. Not that groups of tweens would throw rocks at me, (although kicking their asses would qualify as exercise, so I dare the little punks!), but I live off of a very very busy road populated by people who can barely drive. I don’t like those odds. I’d rather kill myself slowly in front of the TV then do it quick via a cell phone-talking commuter.
The third thing about me is, I have curves. I kind of like most of my curves; I just wish that some of them were a little less… curvy.
So, in order for this to work I would have to lose some of the curves, and find somewhere that I could run.
Lets tackle the first one first. Fewer curves. How would I do that? I know. An eating disorder. But which one? Anorexia? I don’t have that kind of will power. Bulimia? Ick. Developing a sudden addiction to all things healthy? Come on. That has to be a disorder! Well, I guess its number 3. All things healthy. Great. Yep. Sounds like fun.
Ok. So now I have to find a place to go that won’t result in death by sudden impact, and develop a crack habit. (How else do you think I could convince myself that I should be out running without chemically induced delusions?) Or, I could get a treadmill. Which would cost more: A crack habit or a piece of exercise equipment that won’t get used? Well…after the lawyer’s fees when I get arrested, I’m going to say the crack habit. Or I could join a gym. Ohh. Let’s do that.
Now that I have that all figured out, I just have to find the time. I used to smoke. I did so for a ridiculous amount of years and had tried quitting a few times before, (the first time when I was 14…) but wasn’t successful until about 10 years ago when I approached it from a completely new angle. I did it slowly. I used to smoke Marlboros, so my first step was to cut down on them. Then I switched to the Lights, which made me smoke more because they were so weak. So, I slowly cut back on them. Then I bought that nicotine gum that tastes like pepper crusted cardboard, and in just over a week of that I was done. I’m still amazed it worked so easy. But the point is, I’m going to have to do this slowly too… (If at all. :P)

In other news, do you think my cat would do this for me? Me either.

Angel quote of the day: Cordelia: Who's Colin Farrell?


Spirit Of Owl said...

Got to start with a big Happy New Year! to ya. :)

Don't think of it as losing pounds, but gaining pains. No, I should be encouraging. Indeed I am. I'm heartily impressed with your drive to self improvement. I'll follow your example, because as it happens I drive to everywhere. :D

Anyway, who is Colin Farrell?

Henry said...

Colin Farrell? Isnt he the guy that was on that old show on MTV, Remote Control?

NYPinTA said...

You both are kidding right? He's Alexander the Great. (Or not so great... depending on if you liked the movie or not... which I didn't even bother seeing.)

trinamick said...

Repeat after me: The couch is my friend. Cheetos are good for me. My butt is not yet knocking lamps off the table, so exercise is a waste of time.

There! Don't you feel better already?

LL said...

You looking for a workout? :lech:

Nah, I don't think you could take it. Better drop some curves first... :P

Colin Ferrel... isn't that a mixed drink?

NYPinTA said...

You looking for a workout? :lech:
I'm trying to burn calories, not my retinas, thanks anyhow.

Colin Ferrel... isn't that a mixed drink? Haha. He probably is.

John said...

I don't know who this "Collin Ferrel" person is, but I do know Feral Collin. He was abandoned by his parents as a child and raised by wild jackalopes. He eats dirt and is deathly afraid of lawn gnomes. Good ol' Collin.

LL said...

"I'm trying to burn calories, not my retinas, thanks anyhow. "

Told ya you couldn't take it. The brilliance that is Lord Loser is not meant for the weak of heart, or it seems, the curvy.

NYPinTA said...

Oh, they're calling that "brilliance" now these days?