Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The glories of Veet!

Quote of the Day: “The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.” ~Harlan Ellison

Song of the Day: ‘The Clincher” by Chevelle

State of Mind: eh

Date: 05/10/05

Little fact about me: I hate shaving, with a passion, almost as much as John hates the word uber. But, I can’t pull off the whole ‘gone back to nature’ hippie thing and not shave. Ick.
So, I have in my bathroom the largest collection of hair removal products this side of the Mississippi… and no, it doesn’t matter which side you’re on.
I have a home electrolysis machine, which hurts. An electric wet/dry shaver, which leaves me shaved and stubbly. I bought one of those shavers that is a bunch of tweezers that spin really fast and yank your hair out one by one. Hurts like hell, but that one works. But use it only if you like blood and blinding pain. I have various cold waxes in tubes and jars and on plastic pre measured strips. The only brand I ever found that works was Maxenna. Or Mazeena. I can’t remember, and it doesn’t matter; they aren’t in business anymore. Figures. That was simple and pain free. Rub the plastic strip between your hands to warm it up, peel apart, slap on your leg and then pull. Whisk! Hair gone! Magic.
Naturally I have used Nair, which never works, and it smells like rotten eggs. Yuck. So, I was a little skeptical with Veet when I saw that at the pharmacy but because I am obsessive, I bought it and tried it.
(This is where the chorus of angels would start singing….) It worked, and it doesn’t smell like eggs. No nicks, cuts, or mind numbing pain.
Just thought I would share. :D
But this all brings me to a matter of perspective. Guys, when you look at girls’ legs, I have no idea what you are thinking. ‘Yummy’, maybe? Or, ‘man, I wish I could lick them’? I don’t know… but when your girlfriend says how she doesn’t like her legs because she thinks they are fat you guys usually scoff. But here is the thing: our legs when compared to stuff you fellas are into, like monster trucks or football games, seem small by comparison. To girls, our legs compared to the razor we have to use to remove all the hair from them, (so you will look at them and say: ‘yummy’, or ‘man, I wish I could lick them’), makes our legs seem like acres or real estate. So really, the reason women constantly wish to be smaller is because we wish we had less surface area to maintain.


trinamick said...

Amen to that! I'd love to be like that hairy chick in Without A Paddle (minus the living in a tree), but I imagine it would start my nylons on fire. Either that, or the pelt would grow through them and I wouldn't be able to take them off.

mr. schprock said...

I tell my teenage girls that they're "victims of culture" when it comes to that. Somebody long ago decided women looked better shaved and all painted up and, because no one knows any different, we all believe it to be true. A woman with hairy armpits or legs makes me want to gag, but I've been conditioned to respond that way.

I like your guesses of what men are thinking. Surprisingly accurate.

steve t said...

I used one of those wax strips once to create space for a tattoo (temporary - I'm a wimp) - man does it hurt!
I'll pass on your Veet tip to S - she hates Nairing.

Stellar said...

"Holy Jeez I wanted to lick 'em!"

If you know the lead-up to that statement, you'll find it a lot funnier (Adam Sandler, What the Hell Happened to Me, Memory Lane).

Legs are nice, but generally serve as a benchmark for my mind to fill in the rest. In fact, if technology could duplicate a man's ability to quickly process what a woman looks like without her clothes on, image processing would advance millinia overnight.

Henry said...

Just when you think you are closer to understanding women a little better--you read stuff like this. Man I am confused--but it sounds like you are also about men wanting to lick your legs.
Trina: Pelt? PELT? Thats going to leave a mark. Ha!!!
Mr Schprock--you are correct about the culture thing-I went to college as a 30 yr old and some awesomely hot girls in there had hairy legs and it made me want to wretch also-didnt want to lick those bad boys--but its just how our culture is.

NYPinTA said...

"Man I am confused--but it sounds like you are also about men wanting to lick your legs."
So... I'm wrong?

Stellar said...

I don't know who explained the birds and bees to you. But odds are, they were probably messing with you.

Henry said...

"So... I'm wrong?"

Lets just say--if I had to make a list of things to lick on you--your legs would not be in the top 5.

Stellar said...

List please.

John said...

I thought Veet was some kind of cheese.

trinamick said...

What? You've never shaved with cheese? Though I must say, Cheez Whiz makes your legs much smoother.

Stellar said...

I'll bring the crackers.