Friday, February 11, 2005

Burning man... or woman.

Quote of the Day: : "The names have been changed to protect the innocent." Isn't that how Dragnet starts?

CD of the Day: Radio

Mood: Agrivated, because the women that I work with won't shut up. "Blah blah blah blah blah".... oh dear god.

Date: 2/11/05

I was on fire once. Just for a little while.
It was my second year in High School and I was in chemistry class. We were doing a lab that day... oh joy... and that always includes Bunson burners and test tubes. Why is it that chemist like burning stuff so much? I think chemistry is just a way for pyromaniacs to have a professional job.
Anyhow, as I stood next to my burning Bunson, holding the flame under whatever it was we were burning that day, the teacher was at the next station testing all the unused burners. My lab partner went to get something... probably more test tubes, when I got this funny feeling... a foreboding feeling... that had something to do with the hissing sound I heard...
'Uh, Ms. Doe?' I said brilliantly.
Ever watch a movie and at some point someone ends up on fire? The burning person always waves around frantically before finally falling down to die.
I know why they do that. They aren't thinking: "oh, if I wave my arms around like a crazy person, the flames will miraculously disappear." They are thinking: "Oh @#$#@#@^%#$$ I'M ON FIRE!!! GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." And the waving around is that person actaully trying to throw their own body part away from them. (Further proof that ultimately the mind and body are NOT connected... which finally explains why I say stuff I had no idea I intened to say.)
Well, that is what I tried to do when my arm was suddenly engulfed in flames. I tried to chuck it as if it was detached. When that didn't work, I remember frantically slapping at it untill the flames did go out ... while everyone, including the teacher, DID NOTHING. Nothing. They didn't even move.
I looked over and noticed that the burner I had been holding had tipped, so as casual as anything I picked it back up and went back to boiling water.
Finally, one of the kids on the other side of the room spoke up: "Are you alright?!"
That seemed to free everyone else from their frozen state... the teacher started fretting, other students started chattering like a bunch of chickens that discovered a fox in the pen... and my lab partner came over and said, "Lucky I wasn't here. My sweater is flamable."
Really? Guess what! Apparently, so am I!
I did get out of Gym for the next week and a half... and the teacher was reeeeal nice to me for the rest of the year. That was cool, but getting yourself set on fire to get out of Gym? I wouldn't recomend it.


trinamick said...

I know that's sooo not funny, but thanks for the hilarious image in my head anyway.

NYPinTA said...

You're welcome.